Notes in Class
by writer.philosopher
Summary: repost of my original Notes in Class as little miss abyss; a story written in notes passed by marauders and company during class. it's hilarious, so read it :
1. Transfiguration

**Disclaimer: All I own is the plot… umm… that is, when I figure out what that plot is…**

**A/N: Ummmm…where to start? Well, now that the series is over, I've decided to go back a few years and write some fics in the Marauders' era! This one'll be written entirely in notes passed by James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and their friends/classmates during classes. **

**Here is a list of the people in this chapter so that you know who is saying what:**

James

**Sirius**

_Remus_

Peter 

Here we go…

_TRANSFIGURATION…_

**James! Jamsie boy! Guess what!!!**

What, Sirius?

**I'm bored. : -)**

Thank you ever so much for letting me in on this secret. Can I please get back to paying attention please?

**You??? PAYING ATTENTION?!?!?**

To Evans, of course!

**Ahhhhhh… your favorite subject.**

Yes. Now let me continue.

**Fine.**

**Remus!!!**

**Remus!!!!!!!!!!**

**REMUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

_Sirius, I am trying to pay attention to the professor._

Why?

_I might learn something. You should try._

**Oh, come on. You know you don't want to sit here and listen to her drone on! Passing notes is more fun!**

_That's dreadful behaviour! Only you would think it is fun. Even James is paying attention!_

Well, yeah, to Ev

SIRIUS!

**Prongs? So nice of you to join us! Have you any input for our discussion? Is it more fun to listen to the professor or to pass notes?**

To look at Evans. Now HELP!!!

_Help?_

**Ah, Remus. I see now that you are participating in our dreadful behaviour?**

PROBLEM!!!!

Yes, yes. What is it James?

LILY IS COMING OVER HERE!

She's just getting extra ink from the closet.

Peter? Stay out of this. Our discussion is not for rats!

HEY!

**Well, go away.**

What should I do? What should I DO?!?

_How about you pay attention to the professor?_

Dammit Remus, why would ANYONE want to do THAT?

_Why am I friends with you again?_

**Your furry little problem, remember?**

_That doesn't make sense Sirius._

**No, I suppose you're friends with us because we are SO FREAKIN' COOL!!!**

_Ah, that's right! That's exactly the reason! You and James are… uh, cool…_

Oh, shut up Moony!

Sorry to interrupt the conversation that's not meant for rats, but class is over. We've got potions with the Slytherins.

**Excellent… Snivelius…**

**A/N: So there it is. Chapter one is complete, and would really like it if I got two or three reviews. Even if you just say "oh, it was good," or "IT SUCKED!" I would be happy with that. I mean, the button _is_ riiight there :)**


	2. Potions

**A/N: Aaaaaaaaaaaand, she's back for chapter two!**

**Disclaimer: I only own the plot… which I, uh, still haven't quite figured out…**

**Again, a list of fonts for you to understand who is talking.**

James

**Sirius**

_Remus _

Peter 

_Arthur_

FRANK

_POTIONS CLASSROOM ABOUT FIFTEEN MINUTES BEFORE CLASS STARTS…_

So, what shall we do now that we are within hexing distance of both Snivelly and Malfoy?

I LIKE YOUR THINKING, POTTER

**Ah ha! Frank good buddy. Would you like to participate in our dreadful behaviour?**

DREADFUL BEHAVIOUR?

Long story.

_Hello._

**ARTHUR! How are you doing? Would you like to help us decide what hexes to use on the Slytherins?**

_Of course._

Can I help?

Peter? No.

But James...

**He said no you rat.**

SO WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

_Look!_

**Remus? So glad you could make it! Look at what?**

_The ceiling. Someone got to Snape and Malfoy before you. _

EXCELLENT!

Yes, wonderful!

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! We should levitate some stuff up there to keep them company!**

_Outstanding idea, Black!_

Can I help?

**NO, Peter. NO!!!**

_You're going to get in trouble._

The professor isn't even in here.

**What do we send up there?**

_Random classroom objects?_

YES! THAT SOUNDS GREAT!

Random POINTY classroom objects!

**YES! Ready… One… Two… Three!**

_You're in trouble._

"POTTER! BLACK! LONGBOTTOM! WEASLEY!"

_The professor's here._

Yes. They're in trouble.

"DETENTION!!!!!!!!"

Curse those professors and their annoying way of coming into the classroom at just the wrong time!

**Excellent idea!**

DON'T DO IT, BLACK. I CAN'T GET ANOTHER DETENTION.

**Humph.**

_You should really stop passing notes, especially if you don't want another detention._

TRUE. I'LL TALK TO YOU GUYS LATER.

See you Frank.

**Later… Now what?**

_Now we pay attention._

Are you joking?

_Well, I need to do well in potions this year. It's just you and Black… and, uh, Peter._

**Peter's not here.**

Yes he is.

**As far as we're concerned, he isn't.**

You know, I'm reading this?

**Well, don't. We're talking about important things.**

Anyway, how can I get Evans to agree?

**Mate, I don't think you can. She's the only girl in the entirety of Hogwarts I've ever known not to EVER go on a date with ANYONE.**

There's got to be something I can do.

**Maybe if you were a straight O student…**

Good idea. Leave me alone. I've got to pay attention to class so Evans will like me!

**Me and my big mouth…**

**A/N: There we go. Chapter two aaaaaall done. If you liked it, review. If you didn't like it, review anyway. Just ****review,**_**review**_**, REVIEWWWWWW!!!!!  
Detention Tally:  
James - 1  
Sirius - 1  
Arthur - 1  
Frank - 1**


	3. History of Magic

**Disclaimer: The plot is mine! Aaaaaall mine!!! (Yes, that means I've finally figured out where this is going… sort of)**

**A/N: Chapter three, here we come!** **On with the fic! The usual list of fonts with some more additions:**

James

**Sirius**

_Remus _

Peter 

FRANK

**Alice **

**LILY **

_HISTORY OF MAGIC…_

**And how are we doing today? – Sirius**

Fine. And since when did we start signing our names? It's obvious you're Sirius and I'm James – James

**And yet, you sign your name… - Sirius**

You are not a normal boy. – James

**NEITHER ARE YOU, POTTER – LILY**

Lily! – JP

**JP? What's that all about? – SB**

**Oh, so we're passing notes with the boys now? Since when have you passed notes with Potter, little miss goody-goody? – Alice**

HI ALICE – FRANK

**Hi. Um, Lily, why did we take this paper again? – Alice**

**TO SEE WHAT THESE LOSERS TALK ABOUT WHILE WE'RE IN CLASS. – LILY**

You know, you should write Lils. It sounds nicer. – James

**Oh, so now you're James again? - Sirius**

_You argue about the strangest things! – RJL_

**Middle initial, too, Remmie? – SiRiUs BlAcK**

What's with the capital/lowercase letter pattern Padfoot? – PP

PP? NICE ONE PETTIGREW. THAT'S REALLY FLATTERING. – FRANK

**IS THIS ALL YOU TALK ABOUT? – LILS**

**You took his advice? Are you insane? You realize you just wrote Lils? – Alice**

**YES. I ONLY DID IT CAUSE IT'S SHORTER. – LE**

**No, this is not what we talk about, but with you here, we're not exactly going to talk about certain things now are we? Oh, by the way, can I borrow someone's quill? The tip of this one is about to break off. – SLB**

_Here. And what does the L stand for? – Lupin_

**Lee. You didn't know my middle name was Lee? Thanks for the quill by the way. – Sirius**

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. YOUR NAME IS SIRIUS LEE BLACK? - FRANK

**HAHAHAHA! Sirius, what was your mother thinking? – Alice**

**Huh? What do you mean? What's so weird about that? – Sirius**

**SO, ALICE, ARE YOU GOING TO MEET ME IN THE LIBRARY LATER? I NEEDED YOU TO HELP ME WORK ON THAT HERBOLOGY HOMEWORK – LILS**

**Sure. Are you going to Hogsmeade for Valentine's Day? – Alice**

**I DON'T KNOW. I MIGHT. I'M A LITTLE BORED OF THE PLACE THOUGH. – LILS**

**You know; writing Lils really isn't shorter than writing Lily. They're the same length. – Alice**

**OH YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. THAT'S DUMB. – LILY**

YOU'RE HOGGING THE PARCHMENT! – FRANK

**Well, nobody else is using it. James is afraid to talk when Lily's around, Peter is doing something weird over there, Remmie's paying attention like a good little boy, Frank has nothing good to say, and Sirius is sucking on Lupin's quill, still trying to figure out why his name is so funny. – Alice**

Merlin! Sirius is sucking on that quill! – JP

**Yes, genius, I just said that. – Alice**

THAT'S A SUGAR QUILL, ISN'T IT?!?!? – Frank

Yes! Dammit! Who gave Sirius sugar?!?!? – JP

Remus did. – Peter

Moony!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! – JP

_Oh my gosh! It was an accident! I didn't know it was a sugar quill! I forgot it was in my ba_

YOU GAVE BLACK SUGAR?!?!?!?!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? BLACK CANNOT HAVE SUGAR! – FL

**WHY NOT? – LE**

Do you know how he gets when he has sugar?!?!?!?!? – JP

**Oh, Merlin, how does he get when he has sugar? – Alice**

_He starts to do som_

ARE YOU MAD LUPIN?!? YOU GAVE BLACK SUGAR!!!! S. U. G. A.R!!!!!!!! SUGAR DAMMIT! YOU GAVE HIM FREAKING SUGAR!!! - FRANK

**WHAT DOES TH FOOL DO WHEN HE EATS SUGAR? – LE**

_He does some rea_

What do we do? We have to stop him before the sugar starts to work! – JP

_Hey! Stop snatchi_

**Why can't Black have sugar? – Alice**

_If you would stop sna_

**MERLIN! HE DOESN'T, YOU KNOW, LIKE… DOES HE? – LILS**

_You'd know if you sto_

THERE HE GOES! SOMEONNE CONTAIN HIM! – FRANK

**Bloody hell! – Alice**

**WHY IS HE, WELL, YOU KNOW… - LE**

_That's what he does when he has sug_

HE'S DANCING ON THE TABLE! POTTER, STOP HIM!!! – FRANK

I can't. The sugar's working its magic. – JP

"BLACK!"

That's another detention for Padfoot isn't it? – PP

AGAIN WITH THE PP? IT REALLY ISN'T FLATTERING. – FRANK

"DETENTION!"

Yep, there it is! – Peter

**Guess what, guess what! – Sexy Siri**

_Merlin, Sirius. What has gott_

**TALK BLACK. WHAT? – LE**

**I got detention! – Sexi Siri**

Wow, Sirius. Two classes in a row. That's a new record isn't it? – James

**It might be… - Sexxyy Siri**

**Wow, you all have problems… - Alice**

**Hey, hey, hey, Sexxii Siri never finished!!! – Sirius the Great**

Wow, how many ways can you find to spell sexy? Just go on Sirius. - James

**I get to polish the trophies WITHOUT MAGIC!!! YAY!!!!!! – Sirius the Great**

**EXCITING. WHY IS THAT A GOOD THING? – LE**

**Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!! – Sirius the Great**

_Stop stealing the parchment! Class is over!!! – Lupin… finally._

**A/N: There. Chapter three is over too. Don't worry if you can't find the plot, because there is one… now. :-)  
Detention Tally:  
James - 1  
Sirius - 2  
Arthur - 1  
Frank - 1**


	4. Charms

**A/N: Hello to my avid readers… (I hope)… Well, not much else to say but get ready for chapter four!**

**The list of fonts (some of which I hope you have become accustomed to…):**

James

**Sirius**

_Remus _

Peter 

FRANK

_Arthur_

**Alice**

**LILY**

_CHARMS…_

**How are we all today? – Sirius the Great**

Why do you ask that every time we go to a different class? – James

**I don't know. – Sirius the Great**

Since when have you been great? – PP

YOU STILL HAVEN'T LEARNED, HAVE YOU PETTIGREW? – FRANK

No, he hasn't. And, Peter, he's been great since History of Magic; get with the times! – James

**Well, excuse me if I wasn't allowed to participate in the conversations! – PP**

**Oh, yeah, go away! – Sirius**

**What are you great at, anyway? – Peter**

**Quidditch. Now go away! – Sirius the Great Beater**

Oh. – Pete

NOW YOU'RE CATCHING ON! – FRANK

**AH. ANOTHER ENLIGHTENING CONVERSATION OF THE IDIOT BOYS IN OUR YEAR… - LILY**

**Yes, wonderful! – Alice**

HI GIRLS – FRANK

**HELLO, LONGBOTTOM. – LE**

_For the record, Lily, boys are not stupid – Remus_

**WELL, YOU'RE NOT I SUPPOSE – LILY**

**Remus! How are you? – Sexxii Siri**

_Fine… that sugar I gave you still hasn't quite worn off has it? – RJL _

_No, it seems not. When did you give him sugar? – Arthur_

_History of Magic. It was an accident… - Remus_

And it was not a pretty accident either. Sirius got up and started dancing on the table, earning him his second detention today. Where were you? – JP

_In the infirmary. Malfoy used some bloody curse on me, and it made my nose bleed for, like, an hour. It's nice that you're finally getting more social around Lily, by the way, James. – Arthur_

Yeah, well… - James

**Well, what? Oh, are you a straight O student yet? – Sexxyy Siri the Great Beater**

**Merlin, is your self-appointed title long enough yet Siri? – Alice**

WHY ARE YOU CALLING HIM SIRI? – FRANK

**It's easier to write. I don't want to waste my ink. – Alice**

**COME ON FRANK, YOU KNOW YOU WANT HER TO CALL YOU FRANKIE OR SOMETHING – LILY**

**Wow, Lilyflower, I didn't realize you were one to decide who likes each other – Sexi Siri the Great Beater**

**NEVER CALL ME LILYFLOWER AGAIN, BLACK!!!!!!!!! AND I AM ONLY SAYING THAT BECAUSE, BEING USED TO POTTER'S ANTICS AND JUDGING BY THE WAY FRANK ACTS AROUND ALICE, I CAN TELL THAT HE LIKES HER. – LILY, ****NOT LILYFLOWER**

_Sirius, I didn't realize you had feelings for Lily. I thought that was James. – Arthur_

**I DO NOT have feelings for Lily Evans!!! Don't listen to him James! I would never betray a friend!!!! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! – Sexy Sexxyy Sexi Sexxii Siri Sirius the Great Beater of Quidditch**

Merlin, lay off the sugar, Sexy Sexxyy Sexi Sexxii Siri Sirius the Great Beater of Quidditch! I understand that you are not in love with the woman I am in love with, merely that you are still extraordinarily highon the smallest amount of sugar. – James

**YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH ME, POTTER. YOU ARE JUST A SICK, SICK BOY! – LILY, ****NOT LILYFLOWER!!!!!**

_No, I think he may really be in love with you – Arthur_

_Yes. – RJL_

I can't believe that you would say I am not in love with you! I LOVE YOU, Lily EVANS!!!!!! – James, who is madly in love with Lily Evans

**This is highly amusing. ) - Alice**

**NO IT IS NOT!!!!!! - LILY, ****NOT LILYFLOWER!!!!!**

It's TRUE!!! – James, who, despite what you say IS madly in love with Lily Evans!

_Have any of you mastered Incendio yet? – Remus_

**INCENDIO??? The fire spell? OH MY GOSH I DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE WORKING ON THAT!!! Where's my wand? What do we get to light on fire? WHAT CAN WE BURN?!?!? – Sexy Sexxyy Sexi OH YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO WRITE, NOW WHERE'S THE FIRE?!**

REMUS, WHY DID YOU TELL HIM THAT WE WERE WORKING ON THE FIRE SPELL? – FRANK

Oops… - Remus

FIRE spell? As in, WE GET TO LIGHT STUFF ON FIRE?!? FIRE?!? – James

_Yes, but we're only supposed to light the torches…. – Arthur_

Wand! WAND! ACCIO WAND! It's FIRE time!!! YAY!!!!! – James, ready to BURN stuff!!!!!

"BLACK! POTTER!"

_Yeah, I suppose it wasn't the smartest of ideas to tell them we were doing the FIRE spell. I should have kept my quill at rest. – Remus, feeling very stupid_

_Don't worry. Now we can get out of class. Extra time for homework! – Arthur_

Bye. See you all in Herbology! – Pete

**Were you reading everything this whole time Peter? – Alice**

**OF COURSE HE WAS. HE LIKES TO KNOW ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON. IT'S QUITE ANNOYING ISN'T IT? – LILS**

YEAH. ANYWAY, I'LL SEE YOU ALL LATER. – Frank

_Bye – Remus_

_Later. – Arthur_

**Bye. – Alice**

**SEE YOU! – LILS**

**I got another detention! 3's my record! Bye – Sexy Sexxyy Sexi Sexxii Siri Sirius the Great Beater of Quidditch who is going for the Hogwarts record of most detentions in one day!**

Hey, I'm comin up close behind you Siri! – James, almost beating Sirius at the record for most Hogwarts detentions in one day!

**A/N: There we go! It is now time to review! I hope that the whole James and Sirius burning the classroom made all of you laugh as much as I did when I wrote it! Be prepared for an even funnier chapter five!  
Detention Tally:  
James - 2  
Sirius - 3  
Arthur - 1  
Frank - 1**


	5. Herbology

**A/N: hmmmmm…… actually, I don't gots one this time :)**

Now, on to the list of fonts:

James

**Sirius**

**LILY**

**Alice**

FRANK

_Arthur _

_Remus _

Peter 

_MOLLY_

_HERBOLOGY…_

**HELLO EVEYBODY! – LILS**

WOAH, WOAH, WOAH! THE GIRLS ARE STARTING OUR HERBOLOGY DISCUSSION?!!? – FRANK

**Why not? – Alice**

_Well you girls, like me, usually do not pass notes in class, therefore, Frank thinks it is strange for you to be the ones to start passing notes in this class. – Remus_

_Where's James and Sirius? Usually they're the ones to start the passing. – Arthur_

_I HEARD THAT THEY DECIDED TO GO TO THE QUIDDITCH FIELD FOR AN EXTRA PRACTICE. – MOLLY_

_Molly? What are you doing passing our note? How did you even get it? - Arthur_

_YOU GAVE IT TO ME… - MOLLY_

Oooooooooooooh! Arthur likes Molly! Arthur likes Molly! – PP

I THOUGHT YOU'D LEARNED!!!! – FRANK

_Apparently, he still hasn't. And I meant to hand it to Remus, but Molly asked for fertilizer, so I must have given her the note by accident. – Arthur_

**OH, THAT'S A GOOD EXCUSE WEASLEY. BECAUSE IT'S SOOOO COMMON TO CONFUSE FERTILIZER WITH A PIECE OF PARCHMENT. – LE**

_An honest mistake! – Arthur_

**Suuuuuuree! – Alice**

_YOU NEVER GAVE ME THAT FERTILIZER, BY THE WAY. – MOLLY_

_Wait, why are James and Sirius at an extra Quidditch practice in the middle of Herbology anyway? The rest of the team is here. – Remus_

GEE, MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE JAMES AND SIRIUS! – FRANK

**STRANGELY, THAT'S A GOOD EXPLINATION… - LILS**

**Yeah, that's not weird at all! Most people decide to cut class to fly around on broomsticks throwing balls at each other! – Alice**

ONE DAY, YOU'LL UNDERSTAND THE JOY OF QUIDDITCH – FRANK

**Oh, I'm sure I will… - Alice**

_Um, how are they even able to practice? Isn't James the seeker and Sirius the beater? – a very confused Arthur_

_Yes. I can't even begin to fathom how they are managing to practice with just the two of them, but the professor is going to notice soon. They'll probably end up with another two detentions each. – RJL_

_Two? – a still confused Arthur_

_One for cutting class, one for playing Quidditch unsupervised. – Lupin_

_Oh. – Arthur, not quite as confused anymore_

_OH MY GOSH! IS THAT THEM? – MOLLY_

**IT IS! ARE THEY COVERED IN… DUNG? – LILS**

"BLACK! POTTER! TWO DETENTIONS EACH!"

_See? - Remus_

**Wow. That's the only word I can think of… - Alice**

**Hi guys! Ah, I see Molly has joined us today! -** **Sexy Sexxyy Sexi Sexxii Siri Sirius the Great Beater of Quidditch who is going for the Hogwarts record of most detentions in one day!**

_YES. DID YOU JUST GO OUT THERE TO GET A DETENTION? - MOLLY_

**No. I did get a detention, but why would you think that? -Sexy Sexxyy Sexi Sexxii Siri Sirius the Great Beater of Quidditch who is going for the Hogwarts record of most detentions in one day!**

Hey, it could be the way you signed your name… - James

**HEY JAMES! – LILS**

What did you just say? – James?

**I SAID HEY JAMES, AND WHY DID YOU SIGN YOUR NAME WITH A QUESTION MARK? – LILS**

**It could have something to do with the fact that you just said hi to him (voluntarily) and the fact that you signed your name LILS after saying it. – Siri**

**OH… WELL… I DUNNO… - LILS**

DOES THAT MEAN YOU LIKE HIM? – FL

**NO! IT MEANS I WAS SAYING HI! – LILS**

**If you say so… Hey, Remus, can I borrow a quill? – Siri**

_Why? – Remus_

**I need one – Siri**

_I'm not giving you any more sugar. You'll have to use the quill you have now. – Remus_

**Fine… - Siri**

!!! Remus…… - James

What? – RJL

THE QUILL HE HAS IS THE ONE YOU GAVE HIM EARLIER!!!!!!! – FL

**THE SUGAR QUILL? – LILS**

**Oh, Merlin, you are such an idiot! – Alice**

_Oops - RL_

He really is going to break the record isn't he? – James

YES; YOU SHOULD JUST GIVE UP NOW POTTER. – FRANK LONGBOTTOM

_FIRST OF ALL, I FIND IT STRANGE THAT YOU SIGNED BOTH YOUR FIRST AND LAST NAME, LONGBOTTOM. SECOND OF ALL, WHY ARE JAMES AND SIRIUS TRYING TO BEAT THE RECORD FOR MOST DETENTIONS IN ONE DAY, AND THIRD OF ALL, WHO THE BLOODY HELL KEEPS TRACK OF WHO HAS GOTTEN THE MOST DETENTIONS IN ONE DAY? - MOLLY_

**Apparently, James and Sirius keep track. – Alice**

**YES, IT SEEMS SO. – LILS**

For anyone who knows, the last time Sirius had sugar he danced on the table, yes? – James

_Yes. – Lupin_

Well, uh, he's not doing that now… - James

**I'm afraid to look. What's he doing now? – Alice**

_Well, it sure isn't something he should be doing in class… - Arthur_

_NO, IT MOST DEFINITELY IS NOT… - MOLLY_

**WOW. – LILS**

_Uh-oh… - RJL_

Bad… - PP

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? AND WHY ARE YOU READING THIS? – FL

He's just weird… - James

**HEy jamES! dO YoU WanT SOme OF My SUgaR QuILL? - HaPPY SiRI**

Um, sure! – James

_NO! – Remus_

_Too late… - Arthur_

_OH NO. – MOLLY_

**Wow. Should they be flinging dung off themselves and onto the professor and everyone else? – Alice**

**WELL, YOU GUESS… - LILY **

**Not good. – Alice**

NO, NOT GOOD – FRANK

"BLACK! POTTER! ANOTHER DETENTION!"

**YaY! I am WinnInG, jamES! – Happy Sexy Sexxyy Sexi Sexxii Siri Sirius the Great Beater of Quidditch who is going for and beating James for the Hogwarts record of most detentions in one day and/or in one class for different reasons!**

Hey! No fair! I want to get more detentions than you! And you are NOT Sexy, Sexxyy, Sexi, or Sexxii!!!!!!! – James, who WILL beat the NOT Sexy, Sexxyy, Sexi, or Sexxii Sirius who plays Quidditch at the record of Hogwarts for the most detentions in one class or day of reasons for the same!

_Okay, James, calm down; you're worse than Sirius, and he's had more sugar than you! – RJL_

Hey, class is over! – PP

LEARN, PETER, LEARN!!!! DO NOT SIGN YOUR NAME PP!!! – FRANK

**SO WHAT IS THE RECORD FOR THE MOST DETENTIONS IN ONE DAY? – LILY**

**As of now, six. I hold it! YAAAAAAY!!! - Happy Sexy Sexxyy Sexi Sexxii Siri Sirius the Great Beater of Quidditch who is going for and beating James for the Hogwarts record of most detentions in one day and/or in one class for many different reasons!**

YoU WiLL NOT BeAtt meeeee four this record player! Not NEVER!!!!! – James, who is GoinG to beeeeattttt the NOT sexy spelled in 87 ways, Siri Serious guy who plays beating Quidditch on a field covered in dung and can be a Sirius Lee Black dog when he feels like it for the record of detention in a Hog's warts class or day in a reason for the same one or for a different day or something!

_Oh my… - Remus_

_Class IS over – Arthur_

_HE'S RIGHT; IT'S BEEN OVER FOR A WHILE NOW. I'M LEAVING… - MOLLY_

_Me too. – Arthur_

Bye – Pete

WAS ANYONE EVEN TALKING TO YOU? I'M LEAVING AS WELL. – FL

_I'm going to have to leave… - RJL_

**I'm leaving. It's lunch time. – Alice**

**LUNCH? Wait for Happy Sexy Sexxyy Sexi Sexxii Siri Sirius the Great Beater of Quidditch who is going for and beating James for the Hogwarts record of most detentions in one day and/or in one class for different reasons! – Hungry Happy Sexy Sexxyy Sexi Sexxii Siri Sirius the Great Beater of Quidditch who is going for and beating James for the Hogwarts record of most detentions in one day and/or in one class for different reasons!**

It's just you and me now Lils! – James, not sugar high at all, I swear to Merlin who rules the world with a shiny metal helmet and pretty armor that shines blue like your green eyes in the sun when I am happy at you!

**POTTER, LET'S JUST GET YOU TO LUNCH BEFORE YOU HAVE A SUGAR ATTACK OR SOMETHING… - LILS**

YAY!!!!! Foooooooooooooood!!!!! – Happy James who wants to eat food because it is lunch time and time to eat for the hungry people of the hog's warts!

**UH… YEEEEEAH… - LILS**

**A/N: That's it! Yeah, this chapter contained some rather, um, interesting and long signatures thanks to James and Sirius… But it was funny, yes? Anyway, review! )  
Detention Tally:  
James - 5  
Sirius - 6  
Arthur - 1  
Frank - 1**


	6. Lunch

**A/N: Okay, when this was posted on my old account, a lot of my reviewers said that while this is a hysterical fic, the information in it is horribly wrong. I am aware of this. Of course I know that Sirius's middle name was not really Lee, but it is FUNNY! Sirius Lee Black… Seriously Black. Also, I realize that Molly, Arthur, and Lucius weren't necessarily at school with the marauders, but I needed more characters and they are part of my plot. For the record, they aren't necessarily all in the same year, but I guess it would make more sense if they were because they are in all the same classes… As for why they are being so mean to Peter… I'm not quite sure… I just got the feeling from some of the books or movies that they weren't really the best of friends… like, McGonagall says that he was a round little boy who always followed James and Sirius around. "Always followed around" doesn't really put the image of bestest friends in my head… So, yeah, I just wanted to let everyone know that. NOW, because it is lunch time here in this chapter, I've decided not to have it in note form because, really, who would pass notes during lunch? However, the font list stays the same. They are as follows:**

James

**Sirius**

**LILY**

**Alice**

FRANK

_Arthur _

_Remus _

Peter 

_MOLLY_

**LUCIUS **

_LUNCH…_

**Sirius: Has anyone seen my sugar?**

**LILY: SIRIUS, THERE IS NO WAY ON THIS PLANET THAT YOU NEED ANY MORE SUGAR THAN YOU HAVE ALREADY EATEN.**

James: Sugar? WHERE?!? Where?

_Remus: There's no sugar, James._

James: Why not? WHY?!?!!?

Peter: Because you reeeeeally don't need any.

**Alice: Yeah; I don't think I've ever seen anyone as insane as James was after eating sugar.**

FRANK: HEY ALICE, WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?

**LILY: FRANK, WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?**

**Sirius: His heart of course, Lilyflower!**

**LILY: STOP CALLING ME LILYFLOWER!!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS NOT MY NAME!!!!!!!!!!!**

_(everyone stares)_

**LILY: HEH HEH… UHHH, HI EVERYONE. I'M, UH, ON MEDICATION…**

**Sirius: Suuuuuuree you are, Lilyflower…**

**LILY: Do you have a death wish, Black?**

**Sirius: Ummm, no, not really…**

_Arthur: Frank really did it!_

_MOLLY: REALLY DID WHAT?_

_Arthur: He really asked Alice out!_

_MOLLY: YOU KNEW HE WAS GOING TO?_

_Arthur: He wanted to, and I bet him that he wouldn't be able to do it._

FRANK: OH YEAH! YOU OWE ME TEN SICKLES!

**Alice: YOU TWO MADE A BET ABOUT ME?!!**

_Arthur: oops…_

FRANK: WELL… I MEAN… HEY, WE MADE A BET THAT YOU'D ASK MOLLY OUT, SO YOU OWE ME TWENTY SICKLES!

_Arthur: I do not! Molly, will you go out with me?_

_MOLLY: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU JUST SAID THAT YOU MADE A BET ABOUT ME, AND now YOU CHOOSE TO ASK ME?_

_Arthur: Yeah, that probably wasn't smart, huh?_

_MOLLY: NO, BUT I WILL GO OUT WITH YOU_

_Arthur: REALLY?_

_MOLLY: YEAH, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO ASK ME OUT…_

**Alice: Yeah, me too Frank…**

FRANK: REALLY?

**Alice: No.**

**LUCIUS: GUYS! COME LISTEN TO THIS!**

**Sirius: Were you listening to us this whole time Malfoy?**

**LUCIUS: YES, AND IT'S QUITE AMUSING TO DISCOVER THAT YOU LIKE THE MUDBLOOD…**

**Sirius: I don't like her like that! My best friend is in love with her; why would I –**

James: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL HER?

**LUCIUS: I CALLED HER A MUDBLOOD!**

James: DON'T YOU EVER -!

**LILY: JAMES, DON'T!**

James: STUPEFY!

"POTTER!"

James: Yes! Now we're tied, Sirius! Lily, will you go out with me?

**LILY: AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEWHAT ALRIGHT!**

James: But! Lily!

_Remus: He just called you Lily!_

**Alice: Lily, he didn't call you Evans!**

**LILY: NO… BUT… HE'S JUST SO… POTTER! HE HASN'T CHANGED!**

**Sirius: He just hexed Malfoy for you.**

**LILY: HE DOES THAT A LOT.**

**Sirius: So why won't you go out with him? He obviously won't give up. Ah ha! There it is!**

_Remus: NO! Sirius! NOT MORE SUGAR!!!_

Peter: Oh no! James, I don't think it'll be a tie for much longer…

_Arthur: No, neither do I._

_MOLLY: SO, UM, I'M GOING TO GO NOW. I NEED TO FINISH MY ESSAY FOR DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS BEFORE WE HAVE TO GO. DOES ANYONE WANT TO COME TO THE LIBRABY FOR A BIT?_

_Remus: I'll come. I want to get a head start on my potions essay, and I'd rather not witness Sirius's next sugar episode…_

_Arthur: You know what, me too._

**Alice: I'll come. I have to finish mine too.**

Peter: Um, I'll go. I just don't want to see what Sirius does…

FRANK: I CAN HELP YOU IF YOU WANT. I'VE DONE MINE ALREADY.

**Alice: No thank you.**

FRANK: I'M COMING ANYWAY!

**LILY: ACTUALLY, I HAVE A SICK DESIRE TO KNOW WHAT BLACK WILL DO NEXT…**

James: As do I. Well, I also want to beat Sirius for the record.

FRANK: WE'LL SEE YOU THREE IN DADA.

**LILY:** _sighs_** POTTER, I DID NOT STAY HERE DUE TO A SICK DESIRE TO SEE WHAT SIRIUS IS ABOUT TO DO. I STAYED BECAUSE I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU.**

James: Me? Why?

**LILY: WELL, I WANTED TO SAY THAT I, UH, SORT OF –**

James: Sirius!!!!

**Sirius: Jamsie Boy! How are you? Is my tongue purple?**

James: What? Why would your tongue be purple?

**Sirius: I colored it!**

**LILY: WHY?**

**Sirius: I like purple!**

James: Um, yes, Sirius… purple is nice, but we don't color our tongues when we like a color. Can I borrow that quill you're sucking on?

**Sirius: This? Oh, okay! NO! NOT THE BOY WITH THE PINK TONGUE! Only purple boys can have my quill!**

James: Sirius, do you realize what you are saying?

**Sirius: Of course! You cannot have this sucking on quill if your tongue is pink, or red, orange, yellow, green, or blue! You can only have it if your tongue is PURPLE!!!**

**LILY: SIRIUS, TONGUES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PURPLE. WHAT DID YOU COLOR IT WITH?**

**Sirius: With my wand and a crayon of course!**

**LILY: HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO DO THAT?**

**Sirius: Magic! YAY!!!!**

James: Let's get him to the infirmary…

**A/N: Um, that wasn't the best chapter ending, I know, but it'll be better in the next chapter. I apologize to anyone who, in previous chapters, found it hard to follow the fonts, because even while writing it, I found it difficult. I had to keep going back to the top to make sure I was using the right one. It did make such a difference when they signed their names because I could just go back to the top later and change the fonts. It's a little weird to have this chapter in dialogue form I guess, but since it is easier, I had to put their names somewhere. I couldn't exactly have them sign their names while they were talking out loud! Anyway, in the next chapter, I will be back to writing in note form, and they will once again sign their names. For anyone who read the original fic on my old account, this is the end of what I posted there. I don't know when I'll continue because as I am typing this, my sister is waiting (quite angrily) for me to get off the computer. Also, I did say I had thought of a plot, but now I forget it…… so I'll try to remember it, but my memory is no good, so I'll probably just come up with a new one :)  
Detention Tally:  
James - 6  
Sirius - 6  
Arthur - 1  
Frank - 1**


	7. Library

**Disclaimer: Not mine, got it? By the way, that plot I had 'figured out' is most definitely gone now and never coming back, so I'll work on it until a new one comes to me. So that will be mine… eventually.**

**A/N: YAYYY! Time for a new chapter! Hopefully, this will be as funny as the old ones. As usual, the list of fonts used for the characters in this chapter (which is back in note form):**

**Alice**

FRANK

_Arthur _

_MOLLY_

_Remus _

Peter 

_LIBRARY…_

**Ugh, I hate these librarians! I can't stand how we can't talk. It's lunch time for Pete's sake! – Alice**

What's that about me? – PP

OH. DEAR. MERLIN! PETER, I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THAT. AND HOW IS IT THAT YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO GET AHOLD OF THIS PARCHMENT?! – FRANK

_Yes, and can't you read? She said 'for Pete's sake.' It has NOTHING to do with you; you just want a reason to get in on our conversation. – Arthur_

**Yess, well, getting back to librarian evil… - Alice**

YES, I AGREE. THEY ARE TERRIBLE. WHY MUST WE PASS NOTES WHEN WE AREN'T IN CLASS? EVEN WORSE, IT is LUNCH TIME, LIKE YOU SAID, AND WE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO TALK IN THE LIBRARY AT LUNCH – FRANK

_No, we shouldn't. Students come here to work, even at lunch. There are plenty of other places to talk. – Remus, the sensible one_

**Oh, here we go with the titles. I thought we were done with that… until we see Potter and Black again, in any case. And Frank, it's not happening. – Alice**

_BUT SPEAKING OF WHICH, ARTHUR, WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND, ANYWAY?_

_Remus, what's mandrake root again? – Arthur_

_Arthur, the potions essay has nothing to do with mandrake root. – Remus_

_It doesn't? – Arthur_

_HAVE YOU EVEN WRITTEN ANYTHING?! – MOLLY_

**Only your name and the words 'I can't believe it' over and over on his 'essay' paper. – Alice**

_ARTHUR!!!!! – MOLLY_

_Thanks Alice – Arthur_

**No problem. Has anyone besides Frank done the essay? – Alice**

_I'm almost through with mine. – Remus_

WHY WON'T SHE LOVE ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

**Uhhhhhh, Frank? – Alice**

I WROTE THAT ON THE NOTE PARCHMENT? – FRANK

Kind of. – Peter

…

Anyone? –Peter

…

Anyone? –Peter

…

Anyone? –Peter

…

Anyone? –Peter

…

Fine then! Just do your homework then! I'll just s

**I'm leaving. You all had better hurry too. It's almost time for Defense Against the Dark Arts. – Alice**

_I'll come too. This homework session turned into a… well, anyway. And I thought you guys only snatched the parchment from me. It makes me feel le_

**Nah, we're still gonna snatch it from you, Re-re. – Alice**

ALICE, CAN YOU PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO ME? I AM MA

**No, Frank. Don't even ask. And see, Re-re? I'm snatching it from everyone. 'Cause I just wanna say what I need to and get outta here. Buh-bye now; see you all in Defense Against the Dark Arts.**

**A/N: So yeah, that wasn't funny at all except for the Re-re part, but that's because Sirius, James, and Lily are in the infirmary… Next chapter will be much funnier, I promise.  
Detention Tally:  
James - 6  
Sirius - 6  
Arthur - 1  
Frank - 1**


	8. Infirmary

**Disclaimer: Hmmm… still no plot, so I can't even say that's mine. Yeah, but none of these characters are mine… yet…**

**A/N: So, here's chapter eight. Sorry, but it's back to dialogue because you can talk in the infirmary… This will be funny, though, as it takes place in the infirmary, where ONLY James, Sirius, and Lily are. Enjoy.**

James

**Sirius**

**LILY**

_**MADAM POMFREY**_

_INFIRMARY…_

James: I can't believe you, Sirius.

_**MADAM POMFREY: **__(walks into room, shaking her head)__** NEITHER CAN I. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, YOUNG MAN? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE HERE. YOU MUST HAVE BEWITCHED A CRAYON TO MELD WITH YOUR TONGUE, MERLIN KNOWS HOW, BUT IT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE HEALTHY. NOW, I'VE GOT TO GO GATHER SOME POTION INGREDIENTS. POTTER, DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID. MISS EVANS, I TRUST YOU'LL KEEP THEM IN LINE?**_

**LILY: UH, Y-YES, OF COURSE.**

_(madam pomfrey leaves room)_

James: Anyway, Sirius, you're insane mate. I love ya to death, but that was just… wow.

**LILY: YES, IT WAS. WHAT SPELL DID YOU EVEN USE?**

**Sirius: The purple one of course. So, Jamsie, how many detentions have you got? And how many have I got?**

James: We've both got six. At least until Madam Pomfrey tells another Professor. What if the crayon he used wasn't a non-toxic one?

**LILY: I'M SURE HE'LL BE FINE, JAMES. AFTER ALL, HE'S SIRIUS. HE DOES STUFF LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME, DOESN'T HE?**

James: I suppose. But I'm worried. I think he's really taking this detention record to heart. I'm sure _someone_ has gotten more than six detentions in one day. Sirius can't be the first of his kind.

**LILY: YOUR KIND, YOU MEAN?**

James: Uh, yeah, that.

**LILY: YOU KNOW, JAMES, I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THIS. YOU'RE BEING… CARING.**

**Sirius: He's being a silly boy. HAHAHAHAHA LOOK MY TONGUE IS SMALLER!**

**LILY: NO IT ISN'T SIRIUS. IT'S THE SAME SIZE AS IT'S ALWAYS BEEN.**

**Sirius: But it must've been smaller when I was a baby! OH NOOOOO!!!!!! I had a giant tongue as a baby?! HAHAHAHA it's a good thing I grew into it, huh?**

**LILY: UM, YES SIRIUS. A VERY GOOD THING. IS HE HALUCINATING NOW? NOW I'M WORRIED.**

James: Nah, he just says weirder things than he does when he's got this much sugar in him. I'm not as worried now, actually. This is normal for Sirius.

**LILY: JAMES, HE HARDLY HAD ANY SUGAR. HE HAD A FEW LICKS OF REMUS'S SUGAR QUILL.**

James: _(laughing) _Yeah, it's funny, actually. He can handle more alcohol than anyone I've ever seen, but give him a little sugar and he's gone.

**LILY: ALCOHOL?!?! JAMES POTTER, I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THAT! I KNEW – BUT – UGH!**

James: Lily, I –

**Sirius:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

James: Uh, riiiiiight. Sure Sirius.

**Sirius: I WROTE A SONG! IMMA SING IT! Pickled Snape is like a pick-led-snake! Turniiiiiiips are EGGGGGGGGS! Giant Skrewts are the size of BLASTED ENDS and my mother was hatched by a blas-ted-HEEEENNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!! I wanna eat only golden snitch dung, and I know a boy named Frank Longbottom! His bottom must be long, and his heart is BROKED cuz Alice doesn't love him, and now he might CROAK! Like a FROOOOOOOG! Frogs say croak. And toads get poked. By waaaaaaands, in the eye, by a guy, baked in pie, in pig sty, eating fries, under SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIES!!!**

James: That, uh, that was lovely Sirius.

**Sirius: Not done!!! I was just stopping to BREATHE! Anyway….. AAAAAAAAAAAND muffins are food, but they're not stewed, and I live in a room, and that didn't really RHYYYYYYME! But I like PIIIIIIIIE and I'm a cool guyyyyyy! And so is James, and he loves Lily, who is standing right thereeeeeee, with her haiiiiiir! AND I AM SERIOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS………….. that James loves Lily and no one else, and he can't his heart felt. And my mom is AAAAAAAAAA Black! She is MOTHER Black! And Grandmother Black is my DAAAADSSS mom!!!!!!!!!!! And we are pure blooooooods!!! And so is JAMES, but Lily is not! And that means James loves her a LOT! Cause MALFOY IS A GIIIIIIIITTT and makes fun of him for IIIIIIITTTT! But he doesn't care; he just ruffles his HAIR and hexes his FACE and asks her on a DATE every DAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All girls love him, but more-ly me, and they are just too stupid to see that I don't like THEMMMMM!!!!! Cuz they're dumb-HEAAAAADS! And – **

James: Sirius!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUT! UP!!!!!

**LILY: I THINK MY EARS ARE OFFICIALLY BROKEN.**

**Sirius: Mine tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! YAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!**

_**MADAM POMFREY: POTTER, EVANS, YOU OUGHT TO GET YOURSELVES DOWN TO CLASS. MR. BLACK, AS FOR YOU, I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST GO WITH THEM. I'LL BREW A FEW POTIONS THAT MIGHT HELP, BUT HE SEEMS FINE TO ME. PERHAPS THIS SPELL WILL SIMPLY WEAR OFF.**_

**LILY: YES MADAM POMFREY. COME ON BOYS, IT'S OFF TO DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS FOR US.**

**A/N: Ta-da!**

**Detention Tally:  
****James - 6  
****Sirius - 6  
****Arthur – 1  
****Frank - 1**


	9. Defense Against the Dark Arts

**A/N: So, here's chapter 9! Aaaaaaaand, everyone is finally back together and passing notes. Here we go; list of fonts:**

James

**Sirius**

**LILY**

**Alice**

FRANK

_Arthur _

_Remus _

Peter 

_MOLLY_

(TEACHER)

_DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS…_

That. Was an adventure – James

REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED? - FRANK

**WELL, BLACK TURNED HIS TONGUE PURPLE, SO WE TOOK HIM TO THE INFIRMARY, WHERE MADE UP QUITE THE INTERESTING SONG AND I FOUND OUT SOMETHING VERY INTERESTING. – LILY**

**Did you now? Concerning what? – Alice**

**JAMES ANS SIRIUS – LILY**

**My name is Sirius!!!!!!! – The secret man with a secret name**

**I have absolutely no idea how to respond to that Sirius. – Alice**

YOU COULD SAY YES. – FRANK

**No. – Alice**

**Yes. – Mr. Secret**

I'm going to say this again, mate; I love you. – James

That's awkward – Peter

**I don't like men, Jamsie. And you aren't a girl. Are you? Gosh, that would be weird. I like girls. And HOW did you know it was meeee? – Mr. Not-so-secret**

Sirius, I watched you write that. – James

**What? Now you're a stalker too? A stalker of men? Wow, that is so weird. Does anybody else think that is weird? – Sirius**

_Everybody else is trying to think about Defense Against the Dark Arts. – Remus_

_Uh, no, Remus, not so much. – Arthur_

_Oh? – RJL_

_Lazy with the signature, are we now? I'm thinking about what I should do for my date with Molly. – Arthur_

_KEEP IT UP WEASLY AND THERE WON'T BE ONE – MOLLY_

Oh, so it's okay to ignore Peter? – Peter

YES. IT'S 'IGNORE PETER DAY' AS A MATTER OF FACT. ALICE? – FRANK

**No. So Lily, what was that thing you were talking about? You learned something interesting? – Alice**

**YEAH. THE BOYS DRINK. ALCOHOL – LILY**

Ah, there it is. – James

**Criticize our fun will you? – Sirius**

Sirius??? Did you just say something intelligent? Or at least… something not entirely _un_intelligent? – James

_Does this mean the sugar quill I gave you has worn off? – Remus_

**Sugar quill?! Where? MIIIIIINE! – Sirius**

_**REMUS, I THOUGHT YOU WERE SMART. – MOLLY**_

**SO DID I – LILY**

You were wrong – Pete

Sod off Pettigrew – James

ALICE, I HAVE A DEAL FOR YOU. YOU GO ON ONE DATE WITH ME, AND IF YOU DON'T HAVE A GOOD TIME, I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN – FRANK

**DEAL!!!!!!! If I have to suffer through one date with you in order for you never to harass me, I will do it! – Alice**

**That's cruel, woman! C. R. U. E. L!!!!! And cruel is what this sugar is not. Who wants to help me think of verse two? – Silly Siri with the Sexyness of a Sexi Man**

**I AM GOING TO DIE IF YOU SING THAT FIRST PART – LILY**

**Ooooh, I shouldn't do that then. If you die, my dear little lamsie Jamsie will get all sad – Sirius**

**This is the best entertainment ever. It seems like sugar has the effects of alcohol on Sirius. – Alice**

Well alcohol hardly has an effect on him – James

**WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALICE? – LILY**

**Have you ever heard the saying 'a drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts'? – Alice**

**NO. BUT YOU'RE SAYING THAT WHAT SIRIUS IS SAYING IS ALL TRUE? – LILY**

**Yeah. Everyone thinks I'm being mean to Frank. Sirius said it. Everyone knows James would be sad if you died. Sirius said it. He really is drunk off this stuff. – Alice**

See Lily? I really do love you!!! Everyone knows it. – James

**JAMES! LILY! I think you guys should make a deal like Alice and Frank! If Lily goes on one date with Jamsie, and if she doesn't luuuuuuurveee Jamsie after it, Jamsie won't ask her out anymores! – The Brilliant Smartful Sirius**

That's a terrible idea, Sirius. I could never live if Lily rejected me and I could never speak to her again! – James

**LET'S DO IT! – LILY**

**Perfect! It's settled, then! After detention tonight, Arthur and Molly, Frank and Alice, Jamsie and Lilyflower will go on…….. drumroll please!........ A TRIPLE DATE!!!!! – Sirius the Great**

Oh, back to this, are you? – Peter

**I am great at many things, and you are not! – Sirius the Only Great**

_Now that you've all sorted out your pathetic love lives, can we get back to class? We're about to practice using expelliarmus in conjunction with the offensive spell of your choice. – Remus_

**Sounds fun! Expelliarmus time! Who do we practice on? The teacher? Where's my wandy? – Sirius the Great, Smart, and Hilarious**

Remus, I think you had better stop participating in our dreadful behaviour. Every time you try to get us to participate in class, Sirius does something horribly wrong and terribly funny and gets a detention. I think you secretly want him to break the record! Well it'll never happen! NEVER! Let me at that sugar! – James

**Good one Lupin – Alice**

_TRIPLE DATE? IS HEMAD? – FRANK_

_YES. THAT IS A DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN. – MOLLY_

_Who said we were going to triple date? – Arthur_

_SIRIUS – FRANK_

_Yes, but it's not up to him. Maybe I want to be alone with Molly on our first date! – Arthur_

_YES, BUT… BUT… - FRANK_

**But you think it would be better for you because it won't really be a date if everyone is there, and if it's not really a date, I might enjoy myself and we'll live happily ever after? – Alice**

**Speaking of everyone, Remus, let's you and I go on the date as well! We can spy on them! It'll be our little secret! – Secret Spy Sirius**

Don't even think about it, mate. AHA! There's that sugar! – James

**My wand! YAY! – Sirius**

**Sirius :Expelliarmus!"**

James: "Stupefy!"

TEACHER: ("EXCELLENT WORK BLACK! YOU'VE REALLY GOTTEN THE HANG OF THAT SPELL. BUT POTTER! DETENTION! STUPEFY WAS NOT ON THE LIST OF ACCEPTABLE SPELLS, AND IT IS VERY WRONG TO USE IT ON A FELLOW CLASSMATE!")

But verrrrry funny, no? – James

_Wow – Remus_

I'm winning now! HAHAHAHAHAHA! – James

**Not for long! – Sirius**

**Sirius: "Expelliarmus! Stupefy!"**

TEACHER: ("BLACK! I JUST GAVE POTTER DETENTION FOR USING THAT SPELL! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO SUCH A THING! TWO DETENTIONS FOR YOU!")

**This has gone too far – Alice**

**MUCH TOO FAR – LILY**

**This is past the point of entertaining. It's stupid, and they're going to regret it once they realize they really will have to do these detentions. You're not going to be able to help telling James how you really feel on that date, and he'll have no time to go out with you. THEN he'll be sorry. – Alice**

**ALICE!!!!!!!!!!! – LILY**

**Oops – Alice**

_Did you jus_

**I SAY WE FIND OUT WHO REALLY HOLDS THE RECORD FOR MOST DETENTIONS IN ONE DAY. SOMEONE MUST KNOW. LET'S GO ALICE. – LILY**

**Finally. Class is over. – Alice**

**A/N: Crap, I just can't seem to find that funny… Ah well, review anyway; feedback might help. OH! And**

**Detention Tally:**

**James - 7**

**Sirius - 8**

**Arthur – 1**

**Frank - 1**


End file.
